instantly noodles

(un)Successful

2009-09-21T23:05:00.002+07:00

You know you are an absolutely useless twit of a dictator when you can't even win the election you've rigged.

Boss, Banana and a Monkey

2009-09-18T11:24:00.002+07:00

Trying to win an arguement with your boss is like wrestling with a monkey over a banana: Futile.

A reason

2009-09-07T00:32:00.001+07:00

Life is, in itself, a reason enough to smile.

Essential People skills

2009-09-06T21:15:00.001+07:00

Q: If you see your ex-wife walking down the road, would you smile, stop and talk to her?

A: Yes. She owes me money.

Golden (?) teeths

2009-09-03T10:46:00.002+07:00

I've golden teeth, or quite a few yellow ones anyways.

Birds and ornithologists

2009-08-03T23:29:00.000+07:00

Do Ornithologists still love it when birds poop in their head?

Get stuffed..... ummmm... where exactly?

2009-07-20T19:10:00.001+07:00

We all knew that he was tactless and had no clue on how the conversation was progressing, but it was the last straw when he remarked “Where?” when she rebuffed him by saying, “Get Stuffed, Punk”.

Love and butterflies

2009-07-20T18:56:00.003+07:00

When I first saw her.... oh there were butterflies in my stomach, fluttering here and there. It was such a strange feeling..... I cannot bring myself to describe that heavenly feeling...

ummm... Now that I look back on those times I cannot help but wonder: What were those butterflies doing in my stomach in the first place?

What now?

2009-07-20T12:22:00.002+07:00

Your boss should not get away with trampling over your self confidence, ruining your projects, tearing your concepts notes to bits and making snide remarks about your ancestry... He should be rewarded by the Management.

Spam-Foo

2009-07-16T07:41:00.003+07:00

We love you very much.

Ummm.... does that say anything about all those spam mails I've been receiving lately. And, its about doing something about my something too.

Oh, You're also getting that, now are you?

Yeah, man. It's not that I need it. You can see that, can't you?

Yeah! And you even got yours flowing and all over the place.

It smells good to, here smell it.

(Smells it.)

Hmmm.... lovely fragrance you've going there. New lotion thingy?

More or less, man.

But what I don't understand is why they heck they spam me with hair growth formula all the time! It's not like I even need it.

True, man. So, true. But I guess that's what spamming is all about. Sending total useless links and stuffs to people who don't want in the first place.

Black belt

2009-07-14T18:11:00.001+07:00

I have black belt.

Wow. Cool. In Karate?

No. In my pants.

Dying horse

2009-07-13T14:10:00.000+07:00

Don't beat an already dying horse. Sell it.

Lousy way to ..

2009-07-06T11:50:00.001+07:00

Mondays are such a lousy way to start the week!

A Monday..

2009-07-06T11:49:00.000+07:00

One Monday every 7 days makes one week.

Demo-crazy (?)

2009-07-05T21:57:00.001+07:00

Sometimes majority means all the fools are on same side.

Confusion

2009-07-05T21:55:00.000+07:00

Donald, Duck!

...since 1984

2009-07-01T18:46:00.001+07:00

The Noodleman:

Terrorizing the world with bad one-liners since 1984

"...my one-liners are the suspenders that holds together the pants of the reality.."

Difference in ...

2009-06-15T11:23:00.001+06:00

God might love you, but it does not change the fact that you are a dweeb.

I woke up

2009-06-15T11:06:00.000+06:00

I met the girl of my dreams .... and then I woke up.

Vacation

2009-05-30T13:13:00.000+06:00

A vacation is like a week full of Fridays.

Only god knows

2009-04-22T22:55:00.000+06:00

Only god knows that I'm an atheist.

Most romantic... disease

2009-04-17T14:29:00.001+06:00

If getting wet is what couples like the best, then pneumonia must be the romantic disease.

You got to say Please

2009-04-16T12:43:00.002+06:00

Sometimes you got to say Please. So, here it goes: Can I please, please kick your ass, you lousy twit !@#$#$#

Sexual Harassment ...in the workplace

2009-04-06T12:20:00.001+06:00

To whom you complain to if your HR Manager is THE one who is harassing you. Again.

On Bidding

2009-04-06T12:13:00.003+06:00

Bidding

An official process to determine who is the cheapskate of 'em all.

Corollary
If your office supplies stops working, remember that it was supplied by the cheapest supplier. So, quit complaining.

Corollary II
If that happens and you're enlisted in the Army, then you're DOOMED. May you rust in peace.

Tailor

2009-03-31T16:05:00.002+06:00

Tailor:

One who gets to snigger a lot when groping people in odd, odd places. And, the tailor's the one who also knows vital of all the statistics.

When it's Love... and when it's not

2009-03-30T11:49:00.002+06:00

When it's LOVE:

'Your voice is like music to my ears.'

When it's NOT:

'Your voice is just like alarm clock to my ears.'

I'm special, really

2009-03-26T15:12:00.002+06:00

I seriously think I'm Special. I act like one, too. The only problem is that I have trouble making other people think the same way.

Don't worry, be happy

2009-03-26T15:07:00.000+06:00

A raisin is just a worried grape, that's all. Really.

At home..

2009-03-18T10:27:00.000+06:00

Charity begins at home, so does Oedipal Complex.

LOST

2009-03-17T09:47:00.000+06:00

I often get lost in thoughts... alien territory, see?

Holy....!

2009-03-16T14:47:00.001+06:00

Q: What are your weakness your Pope-ness?

A: Nun.

Headstone

2009-03-15T13:33:00.001+06:00

To be contd...

(Now, that's what I want on my headstone)

A hard habit

2009-03-09T11:05:00.000+06:00

Gravity is a hard habit to shrug off from.

Motivation Factor

2009-03-05T10:04:00.000+06:00

Intimidation or a very careful hint at coercion is a VERY good motivational factor.

Silence breeds

2009-03-04T17:32:00.001+06:00

Whoever said Silence breeds poetry never listened to the nagging little voices of their head.

Walking in..

2009-03-02T10:48:00.002+06:00

Walk in other people's shoes for a mile. And when you are sure that the original wearer won't follow you or chase after you, sell the shoes for a decent margin! Before that, make sure the shoes are brand new or at least has some retail value.

Falling in love

2009-03-01T10:56:00.001+06:00

Falling in love is not the best way to test the laws of gravity.

Comic strip

2009-02-27T11:00:00.000+06:00

If you really want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Free entry

2009-02-26T16:34:00.000+06:00

Entry free, exit will be charged.

Have you thought about it?

2009-02-19T17:43:00.001+06:00

You know, began one lover, I could bring back millions of stars from the milky way for you. Bring back the noor of the moon for you. But tell me one thing, "What the hell are you going to do with it?"

Eating out

2009-02-17T13:39:00.001+06:00

Never, ever eat at a restaurant that has a bustling medical center nearby!

Chicken / Bird Flu

2009-01-21T10:25:00.001+06:00

Ain't no afraid of bird flu. Can't believe that chicken hearted people can catch bird flu.

Lover's Talk

2009-01-18T23:15:00.000+06:00

I'll be there for you (provided it doesn't rain)

Chocolate

2009-01-07T13:44:00.002+06:00

When I'm feeling totally forlorn, dejected and what not, I like to eat the biggest bar of chocolate I can buy from what little change I have in my wallet... the chocolate being so good that I don't want to share it with anyone.

Sobering up

2009-01-07T13:41:00.000+06:00

I'll be sober when I'm dead.

Army Talk

2009-01-03T08:11:00.001+06:00

In the Army, we talk short. And sweet. And then we take out our guns.

...and a happy new...

2008-12-31T11:43:00.000+06:00

Happy New Rear!

God must be crazy

2008-12-29T13:11:00.000+06:00

"God must love crazy People.

Why?

He makes so many of them."

It works!

2008-12-29T10:07:00.000+06:00

All advices work, provided you don't take them in the first place!

Always

2008-12-26T09:50:00.000+06:00

I'm always right, until and unless proven wrong.

Lonely? You bet...

2008-12-25T10:14:00.002+06:00

I wonder who brings Christmas presents to dear ol' Santa.

It's what inside that counts

2008-12-25T10:14:00.001+06:00

Intel Inside, Idiot Outside!

Feelings...

2008-12-25T10:12:00.002+06:00

Life serves you one of those days where you bleed just to know that you're alive.

My worst nightmare

2008-12-15T10:56:00.000+06:00

A month full of Mondays!

Reality...

2008-12-14T22:47:00.001+06:00

Reality bites... in the most inconceivable places, ever.

Golden rule...

2008-12-11T12:26:00.000+06:00

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Golden rule of teaching.

...when in doubt

2008-12-11T12:23:00.000+06:00

When in doubt, act convincing.

Explaining life... in Bold letters

2008-12-03T11:25:00.001+06:00

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

One of those beautiful phrases that explains Life in its entirely.

Word of the day...

2008-12-02T15:52:00.002+06:00

If you hate people overtaking you at every turn, why don't you increase your speed? You dumdum!

The secret is revealed...

2008-12-01T16:15:00.002+06:00

I know Victoria's secret!

Take it!

2008-11-29T22:04:00.000+06:00

Take my advise, I don't use it anyways.

My hobbies ... Try this at home

2008-11-19T10:45:00.003+06:00

Yes, I have them too. Listing them out so you can try them out, too:

1. Reading other people's newspaper. Preferably from their own hands, while they are reading.

2. Spoiling other people's fun. "The Butler did it!" ; "Who'd knew that she was the real culprit all this time"

TIP: Do this while they are middle of the movie, book or whatever!

3. Dialing someone's number and asking who they want to speak with.

TIP: Do this innocently, make all efforts to hide your sniggers, though.

Lost faith

2008-11-14T09:34:00.000+06:00

I lost faith in Windows Networking environment when I had to press Ctrl + Alt + Del to log on to the main system!

School

2008-11-13T15:01:00.000+06:00

School are nasty stretches of time you get between vacations.

Don't get enlightened... on night

2008-11-12T10:54:00.001+06:00

The problem with getting a rare spiritual insight and being enlightened at night is that most of the times you cannot tell the difference if it's the inner glow of knowledge or a high-watt bulb in the room!

Damsel in distress

2008-11-11T11:34:00.002+06:00

The problem with saving a Damsel in Distress is that you never know they are engaged or not!

I wonder ...

2008-11-05T16:25:00.001+06:00

I cannot bring myself to understand the importance of Unicorns. C'mon, they are just a bunch of horny horses!

Atuobiography

2008-11-04T17:08:00.001+06:00

I hate reading Autobiography. The authors are so full of themselves that it reeks!

Never judge a book...

2008-11-03T16:12:00.000+06:00

Never judge a book by its blurb!

Q & A

2008-11-03T09:32:00.000+06:00

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

New career

2008-10-31T15:16:00.002+06:00

I'm almost famous! No, I'm not RJ shouting on a hapless microphone, nor a DJ spinning my invisible turntables, I'm a TJ. Yes, that's right a Total Jerk!

Recession Talk

2008-10-27T14:54:00.001+06:00

There's huge difference between Getting Laid and Being Laid off!

Grease me this

2008-10-24T11:02:00.002+06:00

Definitely not the place to practice John Travolta's dance sequence from his movie Grease:

1. While in slippery floor of the bathroom: You can get Flushed. Seriously! (Slippery when wet! Hell yeah!)

2. In front of your boss, board members. While the entire office is in review meeting to who should the company lay off. They'll get their answers instantly. (Instant Clarity!)

3. In Funereal. PERIOD.

4. On your 75th anniversary. (You've got to do funky chicken on that day!)

5. When your better/bitter half leaves you! (Need I say more!)

Unlikely Battle cry (of a Mathematician)

2008-10-23T16:26:00.003+06:00

'Lights, camera ... Fraction'

A mathematician's battle cry. I wonder if they'll threaten their enemies to subtract their ranks, multiply their worries, divide their sorrows and add to their miseries!

Meetings

2008-10-23T12:23:00.000+06:00

Meeting:
A forum where the boss yells and nobody listens!

With/without uniform

2008-10-22T16:55:00.000+06:00

I like my women with uniform; love them without it! ;-)

Etc...

2008-10-22T12:07:00.003+06:00

Etc: A nifty little word to tell the world that you know more; more than what you are not writing in the office report, any ways.

For example:
A lot of different activities were carried by the fund provided by ... (insert your office's name here) Those activities were Drinking competitions, Barfing contests, All you can eat in 10 min contest, etc. "The events were a real hoot," one of the participants told us.

Also see,
Among others
It also works the same magic as Etc does, only a lot better.

Skip the vegetables

2008-10-22T11:00:00.001+06:00

Eat your desserts first, because with life you never know!

...the root of evil

2008-10-20T14:42:00.001+06:00

I know why money is called the root of evil: My bank account no is: 666! The number of the beast!

Bungee? Hell no!

2008-10-16T11:56:00.002+06:00

Say no to Bungee Jumping! Why PAY to die or worse, get embarrassed in front of public!

Did you know

2008-10-14T15:06:00.001+06:00

I wonder why Children's Day is 9 months after Valentine's Day?

...On myself

2008-10-14T12:33:00.001+06:00

All dressed up and nowhere to go!

Why?

2008-10-14T12:27:00.002+06:00

If energy can neither be created and nor be destroyed, then WHY the hell do we need Red Bull?

About me

2008-10-13T16:05:00.001+06:00

As of now, I'm in that state characterized by the sense of beauty, everything that is surrounding me looks and feels beautiful. The wind is blowing just about right, the sun is shinning brightly, the birds are chirping, singing mellow songs that make we want to dance tiptoed in the wet dews, the stars are happy fluttering ...... It's something called Getting Drunk!

Better / Bitter

2008-10-03T16:39:00.005+06:00

If my wife is the Better Half, where does that leave me? Does that mean I'm the Bitter Half?

I wonder why

2008-10-02T15:37:00.001+06:00

I wonder why is Bullshit so popular in office around the world? Almost everyone is giving some to someone.

Money can't buy me...

2008-10-01T17:09:00.000+06:00

Money does not buy happiness. It just makes misery easy to deal with.

Thinking my way

2008-10-01T16:30:00.002+06:00

Better be Boring and Alive, than be Daring and Dead!

Winner ? Loser

2008-09-26T10:00:00.000+06:00

All of us here are winners, except for the losers, of course!

Advise 101

2008-09-24T10:03:00.001+06:00

When your mother is angry with your father, never let her comb your hair.

Change the lane!

2008-09-22T10:54:00.000+06:00

If everything is coming your way nice and easy, you are probably in wrong lane!

Lost in...

2008-09-19T12:23:00.003+06:00

Original Version
A princess can feel a pea through a dozen mattresses.

New Version
A princess can pee through 12 mattresses.

Lost in translation? You bet!

... the light

2008-09-18T22:45:00.000+06:00

The light at the end of the tunnel is... (take your favorite pick)

a. A speeding train
b. A flame-thrower
c. Your boss

Hmmm...

2008-09-13T22:23:00.001+06:00

Planning:
It's something that you do when everything else fails!

Office Zen

2008-09-12T16:55:00.002+06:00

Nothing better than your boss yelling at the top of his/her lungs to clear the clutter of your mind, eh?

Is it so now? ... Really?

2008-09-12T15:31:00.002+06:00

I hate opinion columns. They are, well, ummm, highly opinionated!

With great powers...

2008-09-12T10:40:00.002+06:00

...with great superpowers comes great responsibility...

And, oh, a great stupidity in dressing sense. Whoever forgot to mention that bit!

Suerpman... god knows why

2008-09-12T10:30:00.003+06:00

Well, yes. He's faster than speeding bullet, has unbelievable strength and what not. And, the cool part is, man, he's bullet proof. Bullets ricochet off him. All that and more. It's cool to have powers like that. But the thing I don't understand is this:

When all the gangsters are firing like mad, he's smiling taking all the bullet in his chest (and where not!) but the moment a desperate dumbo finds out his luck just ran dry as his pistol, he chucks it in Superman's way. And, what does the man of steel do: He ducks , yes, ducks out of the way!

God only knows why. (All calls to his publicist were not returned!)

Not a good one...

2008-09-05T16:57:00.000+06:00

I'm a realized person. I just realized I'm a dweeb!