(un)Successful

You know you are an absolutely useless twit of a dictator when you can't even win the election you've rigged.

Boss, Banana and a Monkey

Trying to win an arguement with your boss is like wrestling with a monkey over a banana: Futile.

A reason

Life is, in itself, a reason enough to smile.

Essential People skills

Q: If you see your ex-wife walking down the road, would you smile, stop and talk to her?

A: Yes. She owes me money.

Golden (?) teeths

I've golden teeth, or quite a few yellow ones anyways.

Birds and ornithologists

Do Ornithologists still love it when birds poop in their head?

Get stuffed..... ummmm... where exactly?

We all knew that he was tactless and had no clue on how the conversation was progressing, but it was the last straw when he remarked “Where?” when she rebuffed him by saying, “Get Stuffed, Punk”.

Love and butterflies

When I first saw her.... oh there were butterflies in my stomach, fluttering here and there. It was such a strange feeling..... I cannot bring myself to describe that heavenly feeling...

ummm... Now that I look back on those times I cannot help but wonder: What were those butterflies doing in my stomach in the first place?

What now?

Your boss should not get away with trampling over your self confidence, ruining your projects, tearing your concepts notes to bits and making snide remarks about your ancestry... He should be rewarded by the Management.

Spam-Foo

We love you very much.

Ummm.... does that say anything about all those spam mails I've been receiving lately. And, its about doing something about my something too.

Oh, You're also getting that, now are you?

Yeah, man. It's not that I need it. You can see that, can't you?

Yeah! And you even got yours flowing and all over the place.

It smells good to, here smell it.

(Smells it.)

Hmmm.... lovely fragrance you've going there. New lotion thingy?

More or less, man.

But what I don't understand is why they heck they spam me with hair growth formula all the time! It's not like I even need it.

True, man. So, true. But I guess that's what spamming is all about. Sending total useless links and stuffs to people who don't want in the first place.

Black belt

I have black belt.

Wow. Cool. In Karate?

No. In my pants.

Dying horse

Don't beat an already dying horse. Sell it.

Lousy way to ..

Mondays are such a lousy way to start the week!

A Monday..

One Monday every 7 days makes one week.

Demo-crazy (?)

Sometimes majority means all the fools are on same side.

Confusion

Donald, Duck!

...since 1984

The Noodleman:

Terrorizing the world with bad one-liners since 1984

"...my one-liners are the suspenders that holds together the pants of the reality.."

Difference in ...

God might love you, but it does not change the fact that you are a dweeb.

I woke up

I met the girl of my dreams .... and then I woke up.

Vacation

A vacation is like a week full of Fridays.

Only god knows

Only god knows that I'm an atheist.

Most romantic... disease

If getting wet is what couples like the best, then pneumonia must be the romantic disease.

You got to say Please

Sometimes you got to say Please. So, here it goes: Can I please, please kick your ass, you lousy twit !@#$#$#

Sexual Harassment ...in the workplace

To whom you complain to if your HR Manager is THE one who is harassing you. Again.

On Bidding

Bidding

An official process to determine who is the cheapskate of 'em all.

Corollary
If your office supplies stops working, remember that it was supplied by the cheapest supplier. So, quit complaining.

Corollary II
If that happens and you're enlisted in the Army, then you're DOOMED. May you rust in peace.

Tailor

Tailor:

One who gets to snigger a lot when groping people in odd, odd places. And, the tailor's the one who also knows vital of all the statistics.

When it's Love... and when it's not

When it's LOVE:

'Your voice is like music to my ears.'


When it's NOT:

'Your voice is just like alarm clock to my ears.'

I'm special, really

I seriously think I'm Special. I act like one, too. The only problem is that I have trouble making other people think the same way.

Don't worry, be happy

A raisin is just a worried grape, that's all. Really.

At home..

Charity begins at home, so does Oedipal Complex.

LOST

I often get lost in thoughts... alien territory, see?

Holy....!

Q: What are your weakness your Pope-ness?

A: Nun.

Headstone

To be contd...




(Now, that's what I want on my headstone)

A hard habit

Gravity is a hard habit to shrug off from.

Motivation Factor

Intimidation or a very careful hint at coercion is a VERY good motivational factor.

Silence breeds

Whoever said Silence breeds poetry never listened to the nagging little voices of their head.

Walking in..

Walk in other people's shoes for a mile. And when you are sure that the original wearer won't follow you or chase after you, sell the shoes for a decent margin! Before that, make sure the shoes are brand new or at least has some retail value.

Falling in love

Falling in love is not the best way to test the laws of gravity.

Comic strip

If you really want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Free entry

Entry free, exit will be charged.

Have you thought about it?

You know, began one lover, I could bring back millions of stars from the milky way for you. Bring back the noor of the moon for you. But tell me one thing, "What the hell are you going to do with it?"

Eating out

Never, ever eat at a restaurant that has a bustling medical center nearby!

Chicken / Bird Flu

Ain't no afraid of bird flu. Can't believe that chicken hearted people can catch bird flu.

Lover's Talk

I'll be there for you (provided it doesn't rain)

Chocolate

When I'm feeling totally forlorn, dejected and what not, I like to eat the biggest bar of chocolate I can buy from what little change I have in my wallet... the chocolate being so good that I don't want to share it with anyone.

Sobering up

I'll be sober when I'm dead.

Army Talk

In the Army, we talk short. And sweet. And then we take out our guns.