...and a happy new...

Happy New Rear!

God must be crazy

"God must love crazy People.

Why?

He makes so many of them."

It works!

All advices work, provided you don't take them in the first place!

Always

I'm always right, until and unless proven wrong.

Lonely? You bet...

I wonder who brings Christmas presents to dear ol' Santa.

It's what inside that counts

Intel Inside, Idiot Outside!

Feelings...

Life serves you one of those days where you bleed just to know that you're alive.

My worst nightmare

A month full of Mondays!

Reality...

Reality bites... in the most inconceivable places, ever.

Golden rule...

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.



Golden rule of teaching.

...when in doubt

When in doubt, act convincing.

Explaining life... in Bold letters

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

One of those beautiful phrases that explains Life in its entirely.

Word of the day...

If you hate people overtaking you at every turn, why don't you increase your speed? You dumdum!

The secret is revealed...

I know Victoria's secret!

Take it!

Take my advise, I don't use it anyways.

My hobbies ... Try this at home

Yes, I have them too. Listing them out so you can try them out, too:

1. Reading other people's newspaper. Preferably from their own hands, while they are reading.

2. Spoiling other people's fun. "The Butler did it!" ; "Who'd knew that she was the real culprit all this time"

TIP: Do this while they are middle of the movie, book or whatever!

3. Dialing someone's number and asking who they want to speak with.

TIP: Do this innocently, make all efforts to hide your sniggers, though.

Lost faith

I lost faith in Windows Networking environment when I had to press Ctrl + Alt + Del to log on to the main system!

School

School are nasty stretches of time you get between vacations.

Don't get enlightened... on night

The problem with getting a rare spiritual insight and being enlightened at night is that most of the times you cannot tell the difference if it's the inner glow of knowledge or a high-watt bulb in the room!

Damsel in distress

The problem with saving a Damsel in Distress is that you never know they are engaged or not!

I wonder ...

I cannot bring myself to understand the importance of Unicorns. C'mon, they are just a bunch of horny horses!

Atuobiography

I hate reading Autobiography. The authors are so full of themselves that it reeks!

Never judge a book...

Never judge a book by its blurb!

Q & A

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

New career

I'm almost famous! No, I'm not RJ shouting on a hapless microphone, nor a DJ spinning my invisible turntables, I'm a TJ. Yes, that's right a Total Jerk!

Recession Talk

There's huge difference between Getting Laid and Being Laid off!

Grease me this

Definitely not the place to practice John Travolta's dance sequence from his movie Grease:

1. While in slippery floor of the bathroom: You can get Flushed. Seriously! (Slippery when wet! Hell yeah!)

2. In front of your boss, board members. While the entire office is in review meeting to who should the company lay off. They'll get their answers instantly. (Instant Clarity!)

3. In Funereal. PERIOD.

4. On your 75th anniversary. (You've got to do funky chicken on that day!)

5. When your better/bitter half leaves you! (Need I say more!)

Unlikely Battle cry (of a Mathematician)

'Lights, camera ... Fraction'

A mathematician's battle cry. I wonder if they'll threaten their enemies to subtract their ranks, multiply their worries, divide their sorrows and add to their miseries!

Meetings

Meeting:
A forum where the boss yells and nobody listens!

With/without uniform

I like my women with uniform; love them without it! ;-)

Etc...

Etc: A nifty little word to tell the world that you know more; more than what you are not writing in the office report, any ways.

For example:
A lot of different activities were carried by the fund provided by ... (insert your office's name here) Those activities were Drinking competitions, Barfing contests, All you can eat in 10 min contest, etc. "The events were a real hoot," one of the participants told us.

Also see,
Among others
It also works the same magic as Etc does, only a lot better.

Skip the vegetables

Eat your desserts first, because with life you never know!

...the root of evil

I know why money is called the root of evil: My bank account no is: 666! The number of the beast!

Bungee? Hell no!

Say no to Bungee Jumping! Why PAY to die or worse, get embarrassed in front of public!

Did you know

I wonder why Children's Day is 9 months after Valentine's Day?

...On myself

All dressed up and nowhere to go!

Why?

If energy can neither be created and nor be destroyed, then WHY the hell do we need Red Bull?

About me

As of now, I'm in that state characterized by the sense of beauty, everything that is surrounding me looks and feels beautiful. The wind is blowing just about right, the sun is shinning brightly, the birds are chirping, singing mellow songs that make we want to dance tiptoed in the wet dews, the stars are happy fluttering ...... It's something called Getting Drunk!

Better / Bitter

If my wife is the Better Half, where does that leave me? Does that mean I'm the Bitter Half?

I wonder why

I wonder why is Bullshit so popular in office around the world? Almost everyone is giving some to someone.

Money can't buy me...

Money does not buy happiness. It just makes misery easy to deal with.

Thinking my way

Better be Boring and Alive, than be Daring and Dead!

Winner ? Loser

All of us here are winners, except for the losers, of course!

Advise 101

When your mother is angry with your father, never let her comb your hair.

Change the lane!

If everything is coming your way nice and easy, you are probably in wrong lane!

Lost in...

Original Version
A princess can feel a pea through a dozen mattresses.

New Version
A princess can pee through 12 mattresses.

Lost in translation? You bet!

... the light

The light at the end of the tunnel is... (take your favorite pick)

a. A speeding train
b. A flame-thrower
c. Your boss

Hmmm...

Planning:
It's something that you do when everything else fails!

Office Zen

Nothing better than your boss yelling at the top of his/her lungs to clear the clutter of your mind, eh?

Is it so now? ... Really?

I hate opinion columns. They are, well, ummm, highly opinionated!

With great powers...

...with great superpowers comes great responsibility...

And, oh, a great stupidity in dressing sense. Whoever forgot to mention that bit!

Suerpman... god knows why

Well, yes. He's faster than speeding bullet, has unbelievable strength and what not. And, the cool part is, man, he's bullet proof. Bullets ricochet off him. All that and more. It's cool to have powers like that. But the thing I don't understand is this:

When all the gangsters are firing like mad, he's smiling taking all the bullet in his chest (and where not!) but the moment a desperate dumbo finds out his luck just ran dry as his pistol, he chucks it in Superman's way. And, what does the man of steel do: He ducks , yes, ducks out of the way!

God only knows why. (All calls to his publicist were not returned!)

Not a good one...

I'm a realized person. I just realized I'm a dweeb!

Daft Definitions

1. Responsibility and Liability
I make mistake (that's my responsibility) You are liable to pay for it.

Or was it

I am Immortal .... or was it Immoral...

Don't need a map!

Don't lead me into temptation.... I can find my own way.

Advertising Lesson 101

Q: How to beat advertising shenanigans?
A: Think creatively.

Statement: Dove is 1/4 moisturizer, which smoothens your skin, makes you sexy blah..blah...blah

If it's 1/4 moisturizer, it's still 3/4 soap! You dumdum!

He / She

He traveled the world for her,
sailed the seven seas,
lashed against the chilly breeze
scaled the highest mountain... all for her ...

... she left him. He was never home...

New lights on ... your boss!

Qualities of a good manager / tyrant (ahem) / boss
A new definition

1. Punctuality
Coming a little too early to see who comes late.

2. Morale booster
Patting employees' back and occasionally kicking their bum. If possible, loves to skip the first part.

3. Preacher
Making employees' religious and make them believe in hell
For example: My boss is Satan himself! (My thoughts exactly)

4. Helps to increase sales (of Pharmaceutical products)
For example: He's such a headache.

5. Excellent remedy prescriber
Helps to ease away employees' pain.
For example: You're FIRED!

Stars

I wish upon the stars
of a starry, starry night
I wish upon the twinkle
burning in your eyes

Moving on

"Where are we going...
and why is life so hard?"

I believe
Joe Satriani

Camera: Canon S3 IS. Somewhere in Mangal Bazaar

Rat Race

The problem with rat race is, even if you win, you are still a RAT!

Oh Reality!

The problem with reality is ... the lack of background music!

Lights

... let the image speak for itself...

Me?

I usually take a bus to work. Traffic usually eats up to an hour and to avoid the rush hour, I often board a little early. The problem is, everybody think along the same line and the roads are packed an hour early before the start of office time.

On one of such slow journey, I started to chat with my fellow commuter. He was as frustrated as I was. We got off in no time.

“Sheesh, man the traffic today! It’s not even budging

Tell me something that I don’t know!

Hahahahahahahaha

And then, man is the inflation rising. It’s putting up more weight than my tummy.

The gas price keeps rising. I’m seriously thinking of buying a mountain bike.

In this heat and dusty place? You better buy loads of deodorant and other beauty products as well man!

You know what happened the other night?

Uh huh? I’m all ears.

The doctor next door was kidnapped! They are asking gazillion dollars as ransom!

Sheesh! If the government can’t solve a simple traffic jam, how can we trust it to flatten crime rates! And it’s not that hard as well, this traffic jam being some stupid head driving in the wrong way.

Yup, as a biker I can get away negotiating creeks and bends, but dude how are you suppose to enter a bus through an already cramped place?

Precisely! When the road has enough potholes that puts the lunar surface to shame, you got to drive in the lane, no matter how much ridiculous it make you look!

Look at that sucker! (points at the punk who is busy conquering the footpaths with his bike) [Sticks his head out of the window and yells] Go and die sucker!

People like that should rot in thousand hells! Whatever happened to civic sense? ok, it’s not like that I haven’t done it, but I was in rather hurry and was about to miss the first day first show!”

(is still yelling at the top of his lungs)"

All the passengers in the bus are getting frustrated by now. A gentleman decided he had enough and barked, “Why don’t you go and do something about it?”

“Me? I’m just going to the office!”

Returning home

Even on a hectic day, ruined by bullshit, people with crappy attitudes and know-it-all, the thought of having cozy nest to return to makes makes me get through the day.

Official Meetings

blooming,
in this meeting -
drowsiness

Hand of the gods

I am trying, nay forcing, myself to see things a little differently. I even went to the extent of cooking myself a new adage that goes on something like this: If you see things differently, you'll see different things. And, that largely describes the way I'm teaching myself photography: by opening up my eyes to things that other people are too busy to see.

Clicked here is the pic of the wooden struts of a temple I must have passed a hundred thousand times, without taking a moment to marvel at its beauty. One night, after dropping off my friend, I took a longer route through the ancient palace complex. Then as of in invitation fine droplets of rain started to make its way from the heaven. I looked up as I unfolded my umbrella and I sat there for a moment being mesmerized what I saw. I hurried for my camera, and the rest, as they say, is written in images and words. Camera: Canon S3 IS.

Love thy...

Love thy neighbor..... But don't get caught!

The world in a dewdrop

To see the world in a dewdrop... I wonder how beautiful would that be. Taken in Sauraha, along the banks of Rapti River, Chitwan. After spending the better part of the day in a boring seminar (I was the one giving the lecture! Now you can imagine what others felt!), I was elated when the timekeeper finally rang the completion bell. A 15 min snail-stroll and we could already see the wonderful river banks, made more dramatic by the setting sun. The bamboo cottages built along the banks provided the perfect setting for this image. Camera: Canon S3 IS.

Is she watching...?

If God truly is omnipresent, is she watching you when you change your dress? Think about it!